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Author Topic: a couple of storie i need help with  (Read 3117 times)
amwcjwj
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« on: January 10, 2008, 11:24:18 PM »



need some help on these



I was in a tee shirt playing pool when he sneaks up from behind me wearing a ski mask and grabs me around the mouth with his left hand and my pussy with the right. Nervous not knowing if it is him or not. He slowly rubs my pussy and bites my neck. Turned on but worrying its not him cause he don’t act like this.  He then whispers in my ear don’t move and it don’t sound like him. I become scared but already turned on. Not knowing what to do I immediately froze and I can feel him smile he lets go of my pussy and mouth before I could yell he shoved his fingers in my mouth and says lick it all off. I slowly suck it all off until I get every last drop. He had taped my mouth and gags me. He grabs my hands and hand cuffs them behind my back. He bends me over the pool table and plays with my ass. He smacks them a little squeezing them and playing with my crack seeing how much I couldn’t resist the pleasure this gave me he laughs quietly. He grabs my hair pulls me up and bends my head back and says you like it real rough don’t you don’t lie I can see it in your eyes. Eyes starting to water I just node he smiles and say good girl I could tell you cant control you body it will tell the truth. As he pulls harder on my hair he says that’s why I chose you I knew you did. He then said I love to use a woman and make it real rough when I know she likes it that way. I will make you feel pain like you never felt before if you don’t do what I tell you. He let my hair go I felt a bit of courage and ran for the door, he chased after me I got the door open but he caught up to me and pulled me away from the door and slammed it. He pushed me in to the wall and grabbed my throat and said I told you bitch you would regret this my eyes were going bleary and he brought me to my knees. He let go and slapped me and I fell flat on the floor. He grabbed my tee shirt pulled it over my head used it to tie my feet to my arms and blindfolded me. Than walked away I knew something was wrong and I heard him fumbling around with something and my heart was pounding. I became very scared and more embarrassed at the thought of me getting excited. The fumbling stopped and I lift my head to hear better. I hear footsteps coming toward me and a snap like a whip and I get scare and try to crawl away. He just laughs and says do you really think you can get away. I don’t care I must try and squirm my way to my bedroom in hopes I can make it and close the door and lie in front of the door. He lets me get all the way to the bedroom then stopped me from shutting the door and said I thought I told you not to move. He cut my shirt off and stood me up. He laid me on the bench at the foot of my bed on my stomach and unhand cuffed me and rehooked my hand under the bench and tied up my feet to the bench. I knew I better not fight I was in enough trouble and better just behave for awhile he said now I must teach you a lesson are you ready I shook my head he took his first strike on my ass from the pain I could tell it was a flogger and just twitched a little he did it again and I did the same. Then he moved to my back my eyes watered a little form that one. He said oh that don’t hurt enough does it you will cry before I’m done we will try this one and he struck my ass with a riding crop that made me really want to cry and he noticed this and struck again my eyes began to water he moved to my back and struck real good on the bottom of my back I screamed and he hit four more times I was in complete tears. He asked if I had enough and was ready to listen to what I was told I nodded and he stopped hitting me I was then un cuffed and laid on the bed he told me not to move he had to go get something I laid there for a minute and heard him walk away and peaked out from under my blind fold he left I grabbed my robe and I went for the door he caught sight of me I made it out the door and he chased me out I run down the road and he just chased yelling wait till I get a hold of you. I just run as fast as I can he is gaining on me I’m almost to the road and he grabs my rob think for a quick second if I want to be naked and saved or just get bet I let him pull my robe off and keep running he caught my hair before I made it to the road and pulls me back in to his body and puts a knife around my throat. He covers me back up and we walk back. He says I guess you didn’t learn your lesson. I will have to do some more teaching. Trying not to cry from the fear I beg for him not to do this and to just let me go and no one has to know what happened tonight. He says it’s to late to turn back now you need to be taught your place. I say but what did I ever do to deserve this. He says not respecting the male race as a superior. What going to happen to me know. He says you will see but you won’t like the pain I guarantee you that. He gets me back to the house and locks all the dead bolts so I cant try that again. I am told to go set on the bed and he will be in after he gets what he was trying to before I do so. I thought of locking the door but he would just break it down and make him even madder. I decided not to piss him off even more then I already have. He comes back says to put my head down and keep my eyes closed like a kid in trouble. I do so, he then tells me to get on the ground on all fours like a dog. I do but open my eyes to do it and he yells at me cause he didn’t tell me to open my eyes. I hurry up and close them and beg for him not to punish me worse he says no that is a little mistake and this is my first time so he will let it go just don’t let it happen again. Then he tells me to get on the bed in the position of a cat in heat for inspection. I follow he inspects every nock and cranny of my pussy and ass. Felling totally violated and not even enjoying it any now he says stay very still no matter what or he will tie me down he puts a cloths pin on one of my pussy lips and I scream and dive forward knowing I fucked up but could not help it I just roll over and assume the position for him to tie me up he is very pleased and say if I keep doing my punishment with out being told he might go a little easy at first as redemption to my running a little excited that It might not be that bad I let him tie me up and don’t scream when he finishes with the cloths pins. He is very pleased with me. He says he will not put cloths pin on my tits as a reward. But they will still get bet as a punishment for running. He starts slow with the flogger and works his way up to the riding crop but I can’t take the riding crop and start to do a half cry half wine. He says If I’m going to start he will do it right he is disappointed in me and beats my tits black and blue until I’m at a full cry. He says now that’s better. He then rubs them a little it starts to take the pain away and he hits them again and it hurts worse this time. Wishing now more then ever I would have never ran I make my self not cry. He becomes impressed and stops and lightly taps the pins that make it hurt twice as bad as the tits. But I hold it in he is so impress he says he will take the close pins off relieved I relax that was the wrong Idea the first one hurt so bad I could not help but scream. He says that’s a bad girl should I take the rest of such a bad girl. I say I was just not ready I will do better with the rest. He says he will give me one more try but if I make a noise it will be time for some more beating I agree he takes the next one off and I stay silent he smiles and say very good. And starts taking the rest off there were only three left when I could take no more he could tell and asked if I wanted a break but to get a break it would be more tit beating I would have agreed to anything to get him to stop. He starts beating and regret taking a break I could not take any more pain. I had to scream stop I said I had to pee he bought it but said I had to take the last pins off myself in order to go after I took the first one off it was very hard to take the others off but I had to go I could not take any more pain this guy could dish out I was ready to run again while I was going pee I thought of a way to escape. I asked it I could do a few thing to him and show how good of a girl I could be he agreed the hand cuffs were still hook to the bed and I just start at his stomach and went up first and chewed on his neck and since he I could not remove his mask I worked around that I reached up grab his hand he jumped but relaxed as I pulled his hand toward me and started to suck on his finger his dick started to harden I put his arm back and went for the other he was relaxed now I could make my move I hand cuffed his hand he instantly grabbed my hair so I couldn’t move and moved my head to the other hand and grabbed my throat again and said you just don’t learn do you. You were doing so well I say well It looks like your screwed anyway your stuck to the bed he says no I’m not I got the key in my pocket I reach for it but he pulled my hair back and away from his pocket he got it and jumped on top of me so I couldn’t move and he unlocked the cuff immediately slapped me about 6 times and said what the fuck you thinking bitch I know you didn’t think you would get away with it. I said well no but I hoped I could get all this pain to stop he said shut up bitch and slapped me again trying to protect my face just made him madder. He started to smack the back of my head and said I will hit you one way or another. I curled up my head and tried to protect it he grabbed me by the neck and he squeezed as hard as he could without killing me he wanted me to suffer he made me put my face out so he could hit me some more I was crying and it just encouraged him to keep going he punched me and knocked me out. I woke up tied up again but this time I had a rope around my neck and I was sitting up this time whole upper body tied to the head board he immediately slapped my face with the ridding crop. Unable to protect myself all I could do was put my face down and choke myself a little it was a loose/loose situation I was in he just beat me and hit my face over and over he didn’t care now. I was just tied with rope so I tried to wiggle free. I go one hand loose and started on the other hand finally I get them free hurry take the rope off my neck and I dive at him knock him over and tear his mask off it is not him I instantly become terrified now knowing this guy might kill me. He was about 6'1" bald and stalky.[/i][/color]


as i walk down the street it seem that a man is following me and so i speed up my walk he does to so i try to take a short cut down this alley. then i start to run he runs after me. i go to jump a fence and he has caught up to me and pulls me down off this fence. i am now deep in the dark alley and no one around. he pushs me to the ground and stratles my chest and covers my mouth i swing my arms at him to get him of me he pulls out a gun and puts it up to my head and tells me to stop moving. im scared all i can feel is the metal from the gun on my head. my heart is beating a hundread miles an hour, i dont know what to do. he say dont move dont talk dont do anything or i will beat the fuck out of you. he removes his hand from my mouth slowly. he stand up and goes for some rope. when hes not looking i make a run for it, he just say stop or i will shoot i keep running. he shoots and hit the dumpster next to me. it scares me so i jump and trip, i twist my ankle and cant walk. as he walks toward me i craul away. when he get up to me he pushes me over with his foot and step on my arm so i cant move. he point his gun at me and say give me one good reason not to shoot u. i say i will do anything for u i will be your slave as long as u let me live. he said ok but u have to live with me and you will do everything i say. i say all i ask is to send my family a fair well letter. he says ok but i will read it before u send it i cant have u telling anyone anything. i said ok. he lets me set up and he bends over and says you will do what i say or you will be hurtin and then he back hand me. i ask what was that for  and back hands me agian and says dont question me and you will call me master do you understand me. i say yes he says what did you say i say yes master. at this point i realize i made a bad deal i feel like a piece of dirt. he help me up and to the van, he has a bed in the back of it with a collar and leash. he tells me to get naked and get on the bed and then he puts the collar and leash on me it lock so i couldnt get out of it he then pulls out his dick and says this is where it starts and shoves it in my mouth and makes me suck it until he cums and then pushes it all the way in my mouth to make me take the whole load and then makes me keep going to get him hard again and so he can ram it in my ass and after he cums he say you better get use to that. and he leaves me there, he jumps in the front and drives away as i set there he tells me to look aroun and see if i like any of the toys i see as i look around i see everything from whips to different kinds of chains to clit toys to anal toys i just tell him i dont know i havent used this kind of stuff. he says well try the anal vibrater out we need to streach  you out a little, i say but i hurt still he then pulls the van over and says i told you not to question me he lies me on my belly and gets the flogger and hiting my back and my ass with it until i bagge him to stop i say im sorry i will do it, gets one of the bigger ones and shoves it in my ass it hurt so bad that i almost cry. he says maybe you will learn to not question me you would be in a lot less pain and now just so you cant say anything else you will have a gag now just keep using the vibrater and i will drive us home. as we pull up to the house i notice that there are bars on all the. he unhooks the leash from the bed  and still naked he has me walking to the front door i noticed the front door is made of metal with dead bolts on it.he takes me in side and wraps the chain around my collar so it dont hang down he locks the door and say you will always wear the collar that is so you will always remember you are mine. now you will go take a shower and cook me dinner and you will never have cloths on. after dinner i will give u the rest of the rules and you will eat later after i have made him dinner and he ate he took me on a basic tour to tell me the rest of the rules he takes me to the door at the bottem of the stairs and say this is where i will sleep you will never be alowed up there he takes me to this little bed room just out side of the living room and says this is where you will stay you will have your own bathroom so that way you will not come out unless told to when i say your in trouble you will come to this back room and right away get up agianst the wall with your hand behind your head  and when the guys come over to hang out u will be in the  corner of the living room until told to do something and while i go to work you will be here cleaning up everything do you understand i nod yes he says good your in troble so i run back to the room and take my place he comes in cuffs my hand to the wall me facing the wall and says to you ass hurt well i think we will just have to take your mind off that pain reaches in front of me an puts some weighted nipple rings over my bar bells and so every time i move it will cause a little tug from them catching the wall and he digs out the cat of 9 tails smacks my ass a few times and watches it get red he smacks it a few more times  and then when i  was least ready he hit my back as hard as he could once i screamed and even with the gag. and now that your mind is off the pain lets start having a little fun  he bends me over and sticks his dick in my pussy and starts pounding hard then stops all of a sudden and gentally puts it in my ass starts out slow and slowly gets faster then he goes back in my pussy and puts another vibrator in my ass a small one
« Last Edit: January 12, 2008, 09:59:19 PM by amwcjwj » Logged
sindyloo
Guest
« Reply #1 on: April 15, 2008, 01:33:11 PM »

   Okay...First thing break up the big sections into lots of smaller paragraphs.

  Use each one to put in more graphics to catch the readers eyes with...crying begging any type of thing your victim and the rapist might be feeling.

   Put in more depth into their anger or hurt...how devastated the victim is her tears coming out her body trembling..etc etc...   The power he is feeling, how he enjoys dominating her!

   Wonderful Idea and a great story you have here it just needs more descriptions and smaller paragraphs to be easier and faster to read...Okay!!

   Great Job!!
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Emma
Guest
« Reply #2 on: April 15, 2008, 02:16:44 PM »

I have to agree with Sindy.  Its hard to read large blocks and the more can help the reader to know what and how both victim and perp are feeling the better.   I have a link for you that is in the rppstories author area that offers some good writing tips.   Here is the link.  http://www.sfwa.org/writing/mistakes_allen.htm

Emma
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| | |-+  a couple of storie i need help with
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