Jokes

[Sprayman]

 
 
 
 


Subject: The next time someone asks you a dumb question wouldn’t you like to
respond like this?.....
>
>
> Yesterday I was buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for Chase, my wonder
dog, at Wal-Mart and was in the checkout line. A woman behind me asked if I had
a dog. What did she think I had, an elephant?
>
> So since I’m retired, with little to do , on impulse, I told her that no, I
didn’t have a dog, and that I was starting the Purina Diet again.
> ;
> I probably shouldn’t, I continued, because I’d ended up in the hospital last
time. I awoke in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my
orifices and IVs in both arms.
>
> However, I did lose 40 pounds on the diet, so I was giving it another go.
>
> I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it
works is you load your pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two
every time you feel hungry.
>
> The food is nutritionally complete and I needed to lose a few more pounds. (I
have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was, by now,
enthralled with my story.) Horrified, this woman asked if I ended up in
intensive care because I’d been poisoned by the dog food.
>
> I told her no, it happened because I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish
Setter’s ass and a car hit both of us.
>
> I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing
so hard!
>
> WAL-MART won’t let me shop there anymore.
>
>
>



 
   

[mothbrad]

I'm enjoying all of these, but Quixote, that Coyote joke (huh ... just realised those two words rhyme, kinda, with an Australian accent ...) was awesome.  It's pretty rare these days that I really don't expect the ending of a joke, but that was one of them.

[Quixote]

Glad to amuse.

Side note:  I've used Coyote as a handle before.  Once or twice, I've also amused myself by convincing people that Quixote is pronounced 'coyote'.

Some say why, others say why not.

[mothbrad]

Alright.  We've all gotten those Nigerian scam emails before, probably in the hundreds.  And we probably just delete them straight away without reading them in detail.  But what if it looked like this?

----------

FROM THE DESK OF MRS.MARINA ZAMA AUDITING AND ACCOUNTING SECTION OF
BANK OF AFRICA (BOA).
OUAGADOUGOU BURKINA-FASO
WEST AFRICA
 
Dear Friend,
I am MRS. MARINA ZAMA the lesbian sadistic director in charge of auditing and accounting section of White Slave Bank of Africa (SBOA) Ouagadougou Burkina-Faso West-Africa with due respect and regard. I have decided to contact you on a business transaction that will be very beneficial to both of us at the end of the transaction.
 
During our investigation and auditing in this bank, my department came across a very large number of white slaves belonging to a deceased person Mr.Emmanuel  Etukudo who died  on May 2nd, 2004 in a gassy car accident with his entire family on there way back from Bobo-Dioulasso the formal capital city of Burkina-Faso, and these sluts have been dormant without anybody coming to claim them or even just to rape them, either from his family or relation before our discovery to this development.
 
The said number of sluts is seventeen, being valued at U.S $9.8M (Nine million eight hundred United States dollars). As it may interest you to know, I got your impressive information through yahoo perverts search on foreign business relations here in Ouagadougou Burkina-Faso. Meanwhile all the whole arrangement to put claim over these slaves as the bona fide next of kin to the deceased, to get the required approval and transfer these cunts to a foreign country has been put in place and directives, and needed information will be relayed to you as soon as you indicate your interest and willingness to assist me and also benefit your self to this great business opportunity.
 
In fact I could have done this deal alone but because of my position in this country as a civil servant (A Banker), we are not allowed to deal directly with enslaved, raped and beaten white pigs, and would eventually raise an eye brow on my side during the time of transfer because I work in this Slave bank.
 
This is the actual reason why it will require a second party or fellow who will forward claims as the next of kin with affidavit of trust of oath to the Slave Bank and also present a foreign address where he will need the stupid, worthless sows to be re-transferred into on his request as it may be after due verification and clarification by the correspondent branch of the bank where the whole collection of bitches will be remitted from to your own designated slave compound.
 
I will not fail to inform you that this transaction is 100% risk free. On smooth conclusion of this transaction, you will be entitled to 40% of the pale bimbos as gratification, while 60% will be for me, as I am more horny than you are. Please, you have been advised to keep "top secret" as I am still in service and intend to retire from service after we conclude this deal. I will be monitoring the whole situation here in this Slave Bank until you confirm the big titted wide hipped honeys at your address and ask me to come down to your country for subsequent sharing of the prostitutes according to percentages previously indicated and further activity, either in your country or any country you advice us to rape them in. All other necessary vital information will be sent to you when I hear from you.
 
I will be expecting to hear from you soonest.
 
Have a nice day
MRS.MARINA ZAMA PHONE/+226-75-260-042

I'll admit I was suspicious at first, but I want my 40% dammit!

[Quixote]

I think 40% of 17 is 6.8.

Make sure you get the last 0.8.

What would be equitable?  She gets to keep an arm and a foot?

[mothbrad]

I think it means that I get a tenth of eight sluts ...

[Quixote]

Perfect.  Divide them by time.

A whole new concept!  Time-shares in slaves!

For a modest price, you can have five sex-slaves for one week a year.

My head spins with the financial possibilities...

[Sprayman]

Here's one for the outdoor types.

[Quixote]

Nice.

[Sprayman]

Jokes don't have to be sexy to be funny!

[Dr_BuzzCzar]

Here's one for the outdoor types.

Strange fruit. I just saw that on a Leukemia discussion board ( my wife has a chronic version of leukemia so I'm always trying to keep up with progress.)

[mothbrad]

Hey, Dr_BuzzCzar, I wish you and your wife all the best.  Take care. MB.

[Emma]

ogod.. im still laughing.. 

[Dr_BuzzCzar]

From Reuters:

It is a saying of the Sumerians, who lived in what is now southern Iraq and goes: "Something which has never occurred since time immemorial; a young woman did not fart in her husband's lap."

It heads the world's oldest top 10 joke list published by the University of Wolverhampton Thursday.

A 1600 BC gag about a pharaoh, said to be King Snofru, comes second -- "How do you entertain a bored pharaoh? You sail a boatload of young women dressed only in fishing nets down the Nile and urge the pharaoh to go catch a fish."

[mydarkerside]

Two parrots are sitting on a perch.

One parrot turns to the other one and says:

"Do you smell fish?"