Jokes

[Violet]

Nice ones Spray!

Shakey went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. I get under the bed, I think there's somebody on top of it. Top, under, top, under. . . you gotta help me, I'm going crazy!"

"Just put yourself in my hands for two years," said the shrink. "Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears."

"How much do you charge?"

"A hundred dollars per visit."

"I'll sleep on it," said Shakey.

Six months later the doctor met Shakey on the street. "Why didn`t you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist.

"For a hundred bucks a visit? A bartender cured me for ten dollars."

"Is that so! How?"

"He told me to cut the legs off the bed!"

[Sprayman]

The night before Chelsea 's wedding Hillary wanted to play the perfect Mom.

 
She asked Chelsea ... "Have you had sex with Marc?"

 
Chelsea said.... "Not according to Dad!"

[Sprayman]

Why Sharks Circle You Before Attacking
>
> Two great white sharks, swimming in the ocean, spied survivors of a
> sunken ship. "Follow me son," the father shark said to the son shark and
> they swam to the mass of people. "First we swim around them a few times
> with just the tip of our fins showing."  And they did. "Well done,
> Son!
>
> Now we swim around them a few times with all of our fins showing." And
> they did. "Now we eat everybody." And they did.
> When they were both gorged, the son asked, "Dad, why didn't we just eat
> them all at first? Why did we swim around and around them?"
>
> His wise father replied, "Because they taste better without the shit
> inside!

[Chocolate Thai]

[Chocolate Thai]

<~~~Kitty Porn

[Quixote]

Hehehe.

About that last one, isn't that basically the message of a dozen red roses?

[Chocolate Thai]

LOL I'd say so, Quix.  I'm more of a jewelry kinda girl myself, though. Flowers die but jewelry is forever...and of course you can always pawn it if things don't quite work out in the end.

[Quixote]

Not if it's properly soldered on you can't.  :-)

[Chocolate Thai]

So true, Quix. I do like the way your mind works...

[Quixote]

Shame you weren't on any of the juries ... :-)

[Chocolate Thai]

Yes...a shame indeed. If it were left in my hands, I would definitely get you off...uh... I meant let you off!! Yeah, yeah that's what I meant...

[Quixote]

Now I feel like writing a story set in a jury room.  One poor helpless female and eleven men 'deliberating'.  The trial of a vicious rapist perhaps.  They could ask to see the exhibits in evidence - bondage and torture equipment he allegedly used.  Much deliberation required.

I would be mildly ashamed of myself but I'd still call it "Hung Jury" and have a good chuckle.  :)

[Chocolate Thai]

 'Hung Jury'...Now that sounds like one hell of a story!

[Chocolate Thai]

[Sprayman]

After a long night of making love,
the guy notices a photo of another man, on the woman's nightstand by the bed.
He begins to worry.
'Is this your husband?'
he nervously asks.
'No, silly,'
she replies, snuggling up to him.
'Your boyfriend, then?'
he continues.
'No, not at all,'
she says, nibbling away at his ear.
'Is it your dad or your brother?'
he inquires, hoping to be reassured.
'No, no, no! You are so hot when you're jealous!' she answers.
'Well, who in the hell is he, then?'
he demands.
She whispers in his ear
'That's me before the surgery.' ...