Jokes

[Chocolate Thai]

LOL Good one.

[Chocolate Thai]

[Chocolate Thai]

[Sprayman]

A 72-year-old man goes for a physical. All of his tests come back with normal results. The doctor says, 'Jerry, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?'

Jerry replies, 'God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so he's fixed it for when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, *poof*!, the light goes on. When I'm done, *poof*!, the light goes off.'

'Wow, that's incredible,' the doctor says.

A little later in the day, the doctor calls Jerry's wife. ' Ginger ,' he says, 'Jerry is doing fine but I had to call you because I'm in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and *poof *!, the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he's done, *poof*! the light goes off?'

'OH MY GOD!' Ginger exclaims. 'He's peeing in the fridge again!!!!'

[Chocolate Thai]

[Sprayman]

Excellent CT, I'm not sure about that being the way moustaches were invented... but it looks logical...!

[Chocolate Thai]

Thanks Spray!...I thought so too, lol

[Quixote]

I think this may have shown up on this thread before - I know I've seen it more than once before - but it made me smile anyway.  (No. 7 is my favourite.)

Life's Lessons

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow...In fact, just piss off and leave me alone.
2. Sex is like air. It's not that important unless you aren't getting any.
3. No one is listening until you fart.
4. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.
5. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
6. If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.
7. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
8.If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
9. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
10. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably well worth it.
11. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
12. Some days you are the dog, some days you are the tree.
13. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.
14. Good judgment comes from bad experience ... and most of that comes from bad judgment.
15. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
16. There are two excellent theories for arguing with women. Neither one works.
17. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
18. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
19. We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our arse ... then things just keep getting worse.
20. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

[Chocolate Thai]

LOL Those are great, Quix!

[Sprayman]

A cop stops a Harley for traveling faster than the posted speed limit, so he asks the biker his name.

'Fred,' he replies.

'Fred what?' the officer asks.

'Just Fred,' the man responds.

The officer is in a good mood and thinks he might just give the biker a break and, write him out a warning instead of a ticket. The officer then presses him for the last name.

The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it.  The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it. 'Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?'

The biker replies, 'It's a long story, so stay with me.'  I was born Fred Johnson.   
 I studied hard and got good grades. 

When I got older, I realized that I wanted to be a doctor.  I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Johnson, MD.  After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school.

Dentistry was my dream!  Got all the way through School, got my degree, so then I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS. 

Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD, so now I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS, with VD. 

Well, the   ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS. 

Then I was Fred Johnson, MD, with VD.  Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my  DDS  because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Johnson with VD.

Then the VD took away my Johnson, so now I am just Fred.'

The officer walked away in tears, laughing.
 
 
 

 

 

 
 
 
 
 
 

 

 

 

 
 

 
 

 

[Chocolate Thai]

[Quixote]

Wonderful.  :-)

[Chocolate Thai]

lol Someone had a whole lot of *cough* time...on their hands huh?  The biggest mystery to me, though, is what that little sandwich could possibly mean on the very last smiley face??    Good eatin? Finger licking good? Hmmm... Interesting...

[Chocolate Thai]

[Quixote]

LOL!