The Doll

This isn't one of mine. An old friend wrote it and sent it to me. I mentioned that I thought this forum might like it and he told me to post it if I wanted. Hope you folks enjoy.

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I am a doll, I know this. I have an Owner, and I am his. Doll has an
Owner. Owner made the doll, and doll is happy. Owner kisses the doll,
and doll is happy. Owner hits the doll, and this is also a kiss, and
doll is happy. I know this too
I was once not a doll. I had a name like Owner and Owner’s friends. I
do not remember these things, but Owner says they are true, so I know
these are true.

I remember some things. I remember being small and there being someone
big and there being pain somewhere that now only ever feels good. I
remember remembering these things and I remember they hurt. But know
they do not. Pain was not good. I know this. When I am hit, or opened
by Owner, there is no pain, only love.

I am a doll, and I shall give you a kiss..
A kiss is love.
I am a doll, I cannot love. I am my Owner’s doll, and this is not
love. Love ends. This will not end. It cannot end.
If a kiss is love, If I give you a kiss, is this my Owner’s love I
give? My Owner has much love. He has love for his dolls and love for
his partner and love for his family and love for people he has never
met.
One day Owner told me that there had been an Earthquake, and so many
people had lost their life. Doll understands life. She wants life to
be forever. Doll is not sad, because master is sad.
Doll is wrapped in Owners jacket and taken out. Owners jacket smells
of Him, and of Oil and smoke, and of his partner’s perfume. She is not
my Owner, but I am to treat her the same. This I know, but do not
understand. It makes Owner happy, so I am happy too.

I know where the car is going. I have been here before. I was new
then. I had fewer marks of love. I am with Owner so I am happy, but I
do not know why we are here. This is not where the earthquake was.
Owner said it was a very far way away.
We stand inside the door. And Owner unwraps me. Not just his coat, but
all clothes. He hands me a glass box. It has a lock in the middle of
one side, and a hinge on the other. On the top is a slot. Master has
many toys, but I have not seen this one before. I hold ot to my mouth,
by breasts, my crotch.. I measure it for size. I try to determine it’s
use. I do not know what it is.
Owner laughs and kisses my forehead. Little sparks like roses make my
heart grow. I like this.
Owner looks at me and his eyes are sad. I know this look and the roses
die. He leans in and whispers in my ear.

I am in the car. I feel rough material wrapped over my skin. I feel
loose and stiff at the same time. I cannot see properly and I smell of
salt and flour.. I know what has happened, but I do not remember this.
I think this makes me happy but Owner does not look happy. The box is
on my lap. It is full of paper money and it feels heavy. Paper is not
heavy, so there must be many paper monies in the box.

When we are home. Owner takes the box and puts it to one side. He
hangs his coat up and takes off our shoes. This is strange as I do
these things every day, but he tells me not to move.
He takes me upstairs and unwraps me again standing in the bathroom. He
stands me on one of the towels, my legs apart, and begins the bath
running. I stand as I am told. I am a doll and I do what I am told. I
know this. I feel something wet fall from me.. like a liquid snake
from inside me to the floor. It is heavy but moves slowly. I do not
look down.

There is a mirror in the bathroom, but it is behind me. If it were in
front of me, I could see what has happened., but I have been made to
stand this way. Owner has left the room and is counting. I heard a key
in a lock, and I hear the sound of paper moving. It is like birds
wings. I do not think I ever listened to birds before I was a doll.
They sing. And talk birdtalk, and their wings make a noise too. I am
happy being a doll.

Owner comes back and tests the water. It is perfect. I know I could
sit in Ice water, or boiling water, but Owner always makes it perfect.
I am happy.
He holds me by the very tips of my fingers and I step into the water.
Owner does not wash me, but tells me to close my eyes and wash my
face. I do so.
When I am done, Owner is beside the bath. The towels I had been
wrapped in have been put into the bin. Owner looks happier now and I
smile.
I am pushed under the water. My ears fill with water, and the sound is
like wind. I remember being born.

I was born in the livingroom of Owners home. I have seen a video made
of this. This Doll likes seeing this video and has seen it many times,
but not all of it. As Owner and his friend showed me the video, I saw
flashes of a girl being cut and injected. And screaming. It made me
feel cold. I asked Owner if the girl was happy. Owner said that she no
longer existed, but that he thought she was very happy. I did not
understand this.
They stopped the tape to show me me. A doll hung by her hands in a
metal triangle, like 3 little ladders tied together. Her feet were
tied to the opposite corners, and her body was covered in pins. It
shook with tiny shocks. Owners friend said this was to keep muscles
working. There were tubes in her body. Owners friend, who was called
Doctor Quixote, was excited. He pointed to the screen and showed which
tubes put in new food, and which ones took old food away, and which
ones were making the skin white and which ones were making the mind
supple. The dolls head was wrapped in wires and devices and her eyes
and ears were covered. The video showed Owner and the Doctor taking
out each needle. They were very long, and some of them left blood on
the skin when they came out. The doctor wiped the marks with white
cloth, turning it crimson. Doll feels hollow watching this bit, but
sits still, because she knows what is coming. Next, tubes are
removed. All but the thick one in the dolls mouth. The Doctor rolls
them carefully and puts them into a big black bag, whilst owner
strokes the doll. He is excited.

When the Doctor has finished, Doctor and Owner take the machines off.
The ear ones are large, and when they come off you can hear a roar
like a wall of noise. Doctor calls this White noise. The eye one is
flashing with lights, and underneath, the dolls eyes are open, but
they are not seeing. The Doctor also wraps up the cables and places
the machines in his bag. Owner is staring into the dolls eyes and
stroking it’s face. This makes me happy, but I still watch because I
like the next bit even more.
Owner unbuckles the dolls feet and stands up , holding the doll in his
arms. The Doctor undoes the last few buckles and the dolls hands fall
free. The doll has nothing now, except a long tube from her mouth and
Owners arms.

The Doctor moves out of the screen, and the camera moves. Owner tells
me that the Doctor is carrying the camera. Owner is carrying the doll
to the bathroom. The bath is full, and I know that the water is
perfect. I remember this.

Owner puts the doll into the water, and she curls into a ball under
the water. The water starts to turn pink, and little spirals of red
lift from the dolls body. I grip Owners knees very tightly. I know
what will happen but I am very excited. On the screen, Owner looks
scared, and keeps looking to the camera, to the doll. The tube goes
into a tight line. Doctor tells me he is now holding the end of the
tube and the camera. The tube comes out of the bath tub. The Doctor
always says he forgets how long the tube was, and how surprised he is
that it was so deep in the doll. He has seen this video so many times
I think he may be saying this to try and scare me. But I am not
scared. I am watching the video.

There is a second after the tube is pulled out that nothing happens.
Owner falls to his knees and stares into the bath, but then there is a
noise. It sounds like a machine at first. A very long way away, but
then the water begins to move and splash and the doll drags herself
out of the water. Her eyes are wide open and her mouth is wide open
and water streams from it. Her hair is plastered down to her face. She
throws herself forwards and grips Owner and holds him and holds him
and holds him and will never ever let go. And Owner holds her and he
is happy and so happy he cries. I cry too. Because I am happy. A doll
is happy when her Owner is happy. This I know.

Now, I am in the water again, and the water is perfect. Owner is
caring for me. And even though I could have hung up his jacket and
taken off his shoes and thrown the towels away, Owner is doing this
because he wants to fix his doll.

Owner covers me in soap and scrubs hard, but never roughly, it makes
my skin tingle and feel new again. Owner washes my hair, and my hands.
and between my legs. He cleans there very carefully, but very
thoroughly. I am a doll and my role is to please my owner, but Owner
takes pleasure in maintaining me. I knw this and so I am happy that I
am being cleaned this way.

The water flows away, and the sound of the last water reminds me of
the first time. Though this time I do not fall over when he lifts me
from the bath. Owner pats my skin dry with a fresh towel, and ruffles
my hair to take the water out. I know that he will brush it and dress
me later, and I will be happy.

In the living room there are piles of paper money. I know it is very
much. Owner tells me that this is all going to help the people who are
left behind after the earthquake. And that he is very proud of me. I
know that I have done very little, but I smile and am happy. I know
that Owner has done more and that he has let others use me to get this
money. I know I am very precious to him and that this is because He
has so much love. I am my Owners and will be forever..

	May 22, 2012, 03:24:13 PM Login with username, password and session length

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